What is the Upper West Side? What is mid-priced? What is a restaurant?

Throwing caution to the wind, I set out to answer such questions straight away before the night takes me to the hypnogogic netherworld. Turning to the canonical oracle, googling “define: restaurant” yields as its first entry: “An institution for the spread of dyspepsia”. That, I believe, we can consent to without excessive controversy. .

Without attempting topological or contrived arguments, I assent to Mr. rpenate’s definition of the geographic location of the Upper West Side. I will leave further debate on the subject to tourists.

Then, in but a smattering of words, we have come to the heart of the debate. What is mid-priced? A subject of no small controversy! Was it not Alex Trebek who said, “Don’t minimize the importance of luck in determining life’s course.”? So very true. A mid-priced restaurant on the Upper West Side should offer some sort of comfort easily attainable by members of this Committee, and yet not so casually as to be lumped into the sum of gin mills, bodegas, and houses of disrepute that, for better or worse, form the layer of filth now made infamous that coats the Upper West Side. Such a restaurant should offer table service and imbibations palatable to committee members — truly, an eating establishment bereft of the fermented ichor of the grape is more a grocery than a restaurant! Other amenities, such as a water closet, tables and chairs, and menus need hardly be named in characterizing an establishment. Which then brings us to price. While $3 entrees may indeed be incredible, it is hardly believable that they would be the course of study in this committee, lest we spread ourselves too thin. What next? Should we evaluable the high priced restaurants in the lower east side? Most certainly not! While we may grapple all with various accountings and states of the pocket book, it does seem to me that around $10 average for an entree might seem a suitable floor, though really to me such decisions should be made on the will of the Committee on a case by case basis. Likewise, while the Upper West Side may be home to householders from the old Knickerbocker regime ere the region fell into decay, the upper price cap should be composed to some standard of New York dwelling salaried employee — perhaps $20 is reasonable, though again it seems more important to me that such decisions are made on a case by case basis depending on the mood and available accounts of Committee members as well as the stars of the heavens themselves. Perhaps some days we might covort and enjoy the mid-pricery of an citizen so dwelling in reminiscence of the some fine afternoon before the streets had become the dirtiest in Gotham.

As an aside, though not a trivial one, perhaps we as a Committee might share our expectations for the evening’s price aforehand? I can for one report that I feared that “mid-priced” would be in the $50-70 regime which would have been nigh unaffordable for this member.

However, I think the second and fourth criteria merit some debate. Your $16 average entree cap seems rather reasonable to me, though I wonder if it is a little too exclusive — in my opinion a $20 or even $25 per plate establishment would still be fairly called mid-priced. Regardless of the particulars, though, you omit the equally essential price floor; surely a restaurant with $3 entrees, although possessed of an admirably populist spirit, would not qualify for inclusion in our study? As for the fourth point, it strikes me as unjustifiably self-serving; though I too appreciate the great virtues of comfort, I think we as a Committee must be fully prepared to weather extreme hardship for the sake of providing a full account of the district’s mid-priced restaurants.